Blazing Dragons Virtual Season Episode 9 - Sir Charash of the Kitchen
by J-R Virtual Seasons
Summary: When Count Geoffrey learns that Camelhot is looking to hire a new kitchen boy, he decides that Evil Knight Number Two will be the one to get the job. Meanwhile, Sir Blaze invites his young cousin Charash to visit Camelhot. A case of mistaken identity leads to chaos and confusion on all sides; only one dragon will find himself in a position to save the day.
1. Chapter 1

King Allfire and the dragon knights of Camelhot were gathered around the Square Table, all looking rather drowsy after a fairly lengthy meeting.

'The final order of business, then,' said King Allfire. 'Chef Turnspit says he's been rushed off his feet recently, and he'll hand in his notice if things are allowed to go on as they are. He has therefore asked that we find room in the staff budget for a new kitchen boy. Your thoughts, gentlemen?'

'We can't lose Chef Turnspit,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'We'd never find anyone who cooks like he does.'

'Some might say, that wouldn't be such a bad thing,' muttered Sir Loungelot.

'We can't let him throw in the towel after all these years,' said Sir Burnevere. 'Let him have his kitchen boy.'

'Indeed, sir,' said Sir Galahot. 'It seems like a small but perfectly reasonable request.'

'All those in favour of hiring a new kitchen boy, then,' said King Allfire.

'Yay,' said everybody.

'The motion is passed,' said King Allfire. 'Cinder and Clinker!'

The sound of running footsteps filled the room, followed quickly by the arrival of Cinder and Clinker.

'Yes, Your Majesty?' said Clinker.

'Run down to the kitchen and tell Chef Turnspit that he can have his kitchen boy,' said King Allfire.

'Ooh, he will be pleased!' said Cinder. 'He's been complaining about how overworked he is for ages.'

'Yes, I know,' said King Allfire. 'He's been complaining to me too - that's why he's getting his kitchen boy. Tell him he can handle the interviews himself and hire whoever he wants, as long as they're happy to work for Camelhot's chartered minimum wage.'

'Where's the extra money coming from, sire?' asked Clinker.

'Ah, yes… well, as to that, you two wouldn't mind being good sports and taking a couple of sovereigns less each month, would you?' said King Allfire. 'I'll give you every third Sunday off in recompense.'

'Well… I suppose that's fair,' said Cinder, not sounding entirely certain.

'Yeah,' said Clinker, frowning heavily. 'It's not like we need that money for anything. Go ahead, sire - take the food out of our mouths.'

'There, I knew you'd understand,' King Allfire beamed. 'Well, run along to the kitchen, then.'

Cinder and Clinker left the room, grumbling to each other.

'Well, unless there's any other business, we'll bring this Square Table meeting to a close,' said King Allfire. 'Anyone? No? Right, then…'

'Actually, Your Majesty,' said Sir Blaze, 'I have some other business. At least, I've done something that I think you should all know about.'

'What have you done, Sir Blaze?' asked King Allfire.

'And whatever it is, do we really want to know?' said Sir Loungelot.

'I haven't done anything stupid!' Sir Blaze bristled. 'I mean, I don't think I have… I've invited someone to stay here at Camelhot.'

'To stay, Sir Blaze?' said King Allfire.

'Yes… just for a few days, or a couple of weeks perhaps - we'll have to see how it goes,' said Sir Blaze.

'Is this guest of yours a woman, Sir Blaze?' asked King Allfire. 'I know your mother would be thrilled if that were the case.'

'Well, it isn't,' said Sir Blaze. 'My guest is a man… well, a boy really. Not a child, though - a fine, strapping youth.'

Sir Blaze noticed that all the other dragons were staring at him with their mouths open. He frowned.

'It's my cousin!' he said. 'My young cousin, Charash.'

'Oh, your cousin,' said King Allfire, sounding quite relieved. 'That's all right, then. Well, Sir Blaze, you can rest assured that he will be made to feel most welcome here.'

'Just hang on a minute,' said Sir Burnevere. 'I remember hearing of this Charash character before. Isn't he the brother of that foul traitor Sir Agraflame?'

'Yes, he is,' said Sir Blaze. 'Well, what of it?'

'Don't you think it's a wee bit foolish to invite the brother of a known turncoat into our midst?' said Sir Burnevere.

'No, I don't!' said Sir Blaze. 'Charash is not his brother - he's not either of his brothers! Don't forget that Sir Gasflame was also brother to Charash, but Charash is not Sir Gasflame and he's not Sir Agraflame! In fact, I don't know who Charash is… not yet, anyway.'

'Yes, you do,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'He's your cousin.'

'I know what relation he is to me!' said Sir Blaze, sounding very annoyed now. 'I mean that I don't know who he is as a person, not having really met him properly before, but I'm going to find out who he is… I _want_ to find out who he is… and I'm going to do it without any preconceptions!'

'I think Sir Burnevere is right,' said Sir Loungelot. 'Taking in the brother of a known traitor sounds like a very real and very unnecessary risk to me, Your Majesty.'

'Does it, Sir Loungelot?' said King Allfire. 'And what say the rest of you?'

'Well, I think we should wait until we meet him before we pass any kind of judgment on the boy,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'Maybe we'll all like him, or maybe we'll all hate him; maybe he'll fit in here like it's his second home, or maybe he'll be a complete fish out of water. Like Sir Blaze says, we'll just have to see how it goes.'

'All I'm saying is, if you welcome the serpent into your bed, don't be surprised if he bites your bottom while you sleep,' said Sir Burnevere.

'He's not the serpent,' said Sir Blaze, 'he's the serpent's much younger brother!'

'Also don't be surprised when the brother of the serpent turns out to be a serpent too,' said Sir Burnevere.

'For shame, sir!' said Sir Galahot. 'How can you sit there, Burnevere, and condemn the lad without knowing a solitary thing about him? Remember, Sir Agraflame told us that he's never really had anything to do with young Charash… and even if he had, to tar the boy with the same brush without even meeting him would be an atrocity, sir - an unmitigated atrocity!'

'You, Sir Galahot, were keen enough for the rest of us to condemn Sir Agraflame before we really knew anything about him,' said Sir Loungelot.

'Yes, because I knew from personal experience what he was really like!' said Sir Galahot. 'None of us knows young Charash, so none of us can possibly hold an informed opinion of him. Sir Blaze is right, sirs - we must welcome his young cousin, and see how his visit pans out.'

'As long as we all remember to watch out for stray axes in the middle of the night,' said Sir Loungelot.

'For goodness' sake, Loungey, you're just saying these things to be awkward!' said Sir Blaze.

Sir Loungelot folded his arms and stuck out his tongue, but said no more.

'Gentlemen, please,' said King Allfire, 'let's all try to conduct ourselves with decorum in the meeting. Sir Blaze has invited young Charash to Camelhot. Shall we welcome him into our midst and see how he settles in, or shall we turn him away without giving him a chance? Let's have a show of hands - who thinks we should welcome him?'

Sir Blaze, Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath immediately raised their hands. Sir Loungelot eyed them sulkily, and raised his too. Sir Burnevere then raised his.

'I didn't say we shouldn't give him a chance,' he said. 'I just said we should be careful, that's all.'

'We should always be careful, Sir Burnevere,' said King Allfire, 'and I'm sure we're all planning to be. The vote is unanimous, then - young Charash will be welcomed into Camelhot with open arms.'

'Goody,' Sir Blaze beamed. 'I'll prepare some quarters for him… ooh, I'll give his bedroom a fresh coat of paint!'

'Nothing too garish, Sir Blaze, hmm?' said King Allfire. 'You don't want to blind your cousin as soon as he arrives, do you? Or at all, really… Very well, then - this meeting is over. Thank you, gentlemen.'

* * *

'Ah - that's the best news I've heard all year!' said Chef Turnspit, throwing a handful of diced carrots into a saucepan. 'Dear me, there's so much to do around here! Do me a favour and turn down the heat under that beef broth, will you?'

'Certainly,' said Cinder, as Clinker carried out the instruction.

'King Allfire has no idea how difficult it is to run an efficient kitchen,' said Chef Turnspit. 'I'm very underpaid and very overworked!'

'So are we,' said Clinker.

'You're not underpaid, are you?' asked Chef Turnspit, sounding genuinely surprised.

'We are now,' said Clinker, 'thanks to King Allfire siphoning off a chunk of our wages to pay for your new kitchen boy.'

'Oh… look, I'm really sorry to hear that, fellas,' said Chef Turnspit. 'That wasn't what I wanted at all.'

'Don't worry about it,' said Clinker. 'It's not your fault.'

'Besides, we get every third Sunday off to make up for it,' said Cinder. 'Say what you like about King Allfire, he always tries to be fair to everyone, even his servants.'

'And so he should!' said Chef Turnspit. 'Where would he be without us? Where would any of them be, I should like to know! If we three decided to walk out on them right now, they would find their positions up there suddenly… uncomfortable.'

'Not to mention untenable,' said Clinker.

'You're not suggesting that we go on strike, are you, Chef?' Cinder asked uncertainly. 'I don't think that would be quite the ticket, to be honest with you.'

'No, I'm not suggesting a strike,' Chef Turnspit shrugged. 'Not now that I'm allowed to have my kitchen boy, anyway. I just hope that everyone upstairs appreciates what we do for them, that's all.'

'Don't worry,' Cinder said brightly, 'they do.'

'Well, some of them do,' said Clinker, 'maybe…'

'Ah, well,' Chef Turnspit sighed, ''twas ever thus, I suppose. Right, I need to leave these vegetables to simmer for twenty minutes. Could you hang around while I write up an advertisement for my new worker, and take it down to the post office for me? Tell them to stick it up in the window and charge it to Camelhot's account.'

'No can do, I'm afraid, Chef,' said Cinder. 'We were supposed to be up in Queen Griddle's parlour by now, helping her to make a new dress for Princess Flame.'

'Why don't you leave the advert here on the kitchen table?' suggested Clinker. 'We'll pick it up when we've finished being prodded with pins, and we'll make sure it gets down to the post office before they close this evening.'

'Good idea,' said Chef Turnspit. 'Thanks, fellas.'

Cinder and Clinker left the kitchen at a trot while Chef Turnspit ferreted out some writing materials. He wrote his advertisement, rolled up the parchment and left it on the kitchen table. He then left the kitchen, taking several dirty pots and pans with him into the scullery.

As soon as Chef Turnspit had gone, a basically dragon-like figure wormed its way out from under the kitchen table. Moving quickly but quietly, Count Geoffrey's Evil Spy went to where he had seen Chef Turnspit collect his writing materials. He picked up a blank piece of parchment, rolled it up, and exchanged it for the advertisement. Stuffing Chef Turnspit's carefully worded document into his dragon costume, the Evil Spy slunk through the kitchen door and slipped away.

* * *

'Heh-heh-heh!' Count Geoffrey chuckled, rereading the parchment in his hand one last time. 'Yes… yes, this is perfect!'

'What's perfect, oh dread Count Geoffrey?' asked Evil Knight Number One.

'An opportunity to infiltrate Camelhot and attack those blasted dragons at their weakest point - their stomachs!' Count Geoffrey declared. 'Evil Knights Numbers One, Two and Three… I have a plan!'

'Another one, oh mighty evil one?' said Evil Knight Number Three.

'Yes, another one!' said Count Geoffrey. 'The dragons are looking for a new kitchen boy… and I'm going to see that they get one!'

'You are?' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Yes, I am… well, actually, you are!' said Count Geoffrey.

'Me?' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'Why me?'

'Because you're the right size to be a kitchen boy,' said Count Geoffrey, 'and that's what you're going to be!'

'But, um… I don't think the dragons will hire Evil Knight Number Two as their new kitchen boy, Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knight Number Three.

'Not looking like he does now, perhaps,' said Count Geoffrey, 'but there are ways to deal with problems like that. Evil Knight Number One - find Merle and tell her that I need to speak to her about brewing a transformation spell. Evil Knight Number Three - fetch me my writing case so I can reply to this advert. And Evil Knight Number Two - make me a fruit salad.'

'A fruit salad, Count Geoffrey?' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Are you hungry, oh evil lord of all you survey?' asked Evil Knight Number One.

'I'm hungry, all right - hungry for Camelhot!' said Count Geoffrey. 'And to make sure that I get to satisfy my hunger, I want to make sure that Evil Knight Number Two can make a decent fruit salad!'

'Sometimes your evil genius is far beyond our limited ability to comprehend, Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knight Number Three.

'Well, naturally,' said Count Geoffrey. 'That's enough talk, now - get to work, all of you!'

'Yes, Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knights Numbers One, Two and Three.

* * *

Cinder and Clinker peered over the battlements.

'He's certainly taking his time, isn't he?' said Clinker. 'We can't hang around here all day - we do have other things to do, you know.'

'Oh, I'm sure he'll be here soon,' Cinder said blithely, 'and we did promise Chef Turnspit that we'd… ah, look, there he is!'

They watched intently as a young male dragon came into view, striding towards Camelhot in a fairly jaunty manner.

'Are you sure that's him?' said Clinker.

'It has to be,' said Cinder. 'I mean, who else could it possibly be? Come on, let's go down and meet him.'

Cinder and Clinker descended to the entrance hall and lowered the drawbridge. The visitor had been on the point of pressing the entry bell, but when he saw Cinder and Clinker, he smiled and walked towards them.

'Hello,' he said, 'my name's Charash. I am expected, I believe.'

'Yes, you certainly are,' said Clinker. 'Come with us, please.'

Charash followed Cinder and Clinker along a corridor, through the Great Hall and into the kitchen, where Chef Turnspit was fussing over several steaming saucepans.

'Here he is, Chef,' Cinder said brightly.

'What?' said Chef Turnspit, whirling around. 'Ah, good, it's about time. Thanks, fellas - I'll take it from here.'

Cinder smiled, Clinker nodded, and they left the room. Charash had adopted an expression of deep confusion, but he smiled at Chef Turnspit nonetheless.

'Hello,' he said, 'I'm Charash, and…'

'It doesn't matter to me what your name is,' said Chef Turnspit. 'Not while there's work to be done, at any rate. In my kitchen, you will be addressed as "Boy" and I shall be addressed as "Chef". Do you understand, Boy?'

'But… look, I'm sorry, but I don't think you realise who…'

'Do you understand, Boy?'

'Yes, Chef,' said Charash.

'Good,' said Chef Turnspit. 'Now, the first thing I want you to do is fill ten salt cellars. You will then take them to the Great Hall and arrange them appropriately for tonight's meal. This task will require common sense, of course, so I hope you have some, Boy!'

'Well… I think I do,' said Charash, sounding utterly perplexed.

'You think you do, _Chef_!' Chef Turnspit barked.

'I think I do, Chef,' said Charash.

'Right,' said Chef Turnspit, 'then get to work!'

Charash managed to locate the salt cellars, then he started searching the cupboards for salt. He thought his quest had been successful, but Chef Turnspit let loose a strangled gasp and wrenched the brown sack he had located from his hand.

'No, no, no, Boy - that's Queen Griddle's laxative powder!' Chef Turnspit shouted. 'That is only to be used in very specific circumstances, and under royal command!'

'Oh, sorry, I didn't know,' said Charash. 'Look, I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but I do think you're being rather rude.'

'You do think I'm being rather rude, _Chef_!'

'Yes… I do think you're being rather rude, Chef.'

'This is how I run my kitchen,' said Chef Turnspit, 'and no one forced you to come here and work for me, did they?'

'Well,' said Charash, 'actually…'

'Here's the salt!' Chef Turnspit barked, dumping an identical brown sack onto the kitchen surface. 'Get to work, and let's not have any more of your lip!'

'Yes, Chef.'

* * *

In the cover of the woods just outside Camelhot, Count Geoffrey was in the process of handing two small bottles of liquid to Evil Knight Number Two.

'All right,' said Count Geoffrey, 'Merle says her Instant Dragon potion will last for about eight hours - that gives you until eight o'clock tonight. According to my Evil Spy, the dragons always have their dinner at a quarter to eight. Remember, you must be by the kitchen door at half-past seven to let us in, so that we can all witness the results of your… handiwork.'

'You mean so we can watch the dragons gorging themselves on the food I've poisoned?' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Precisely,' said Count Geoffrey. 'Now, take these… and don't mix them up, you cretin - you're no use to me dead!'

'Gosh, Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knight Number Two, 'I didn't know you cared.'

'The only thing I care about is getting those blasted dragons out of Camelhot,' said Count Geoffrey, 'and I don't think they're going to be in much of a state to stop me after they've all been poisoned - do you? Heh-heh-heh-heh!'

' _Instant Dragon_ … _Dragon Poison_ ,' Evil Knight Number Two read off the bottles. 'Okay, Count Geoffrey - I know what I have to do.'

'Yes, well just make sure you don't let me down,' said Count Geoffrey. 'This time, failure is not an option.'

With that, Count Geoffrey slunk away into the woods. Evil Knight Number Two uncorked one of the bottles and raised it to his lips. He was about to drink the contents when he paused and took a second look at the label. Feeling glad that no one - especially Count Geoffrey - was around to see him, he recorked the bottle he had been about to drink from and uncorked the other one. After drinking its contents, he transformed into a dragon of roughly the same height and build as his usual human self. Discarding the empty bottle and tucking the full one into his leather tabard, he set off for Camelhot.

* * *

'Oh, poo,' Sir Blaze sighed, peering over the battlements. 'I don't know why Charash hasn't arrived yet. I should have got here earlier, but I can't have missed him. And I can't watch for him all day - I'm supposed to be at the Weekly Workout! Hmm, I wonder if I can find Cinder and Clinker and persuade them to keep watch instead… or maybe Flicker would do it.'

With that, Sir Blaze gambolled downstairs and danced out into the courtyard. There was no immediate sign of anyone, but he was fairly sure that he could hear two voices coming from a darkened doorway nearby. Sir Blaze strode towards the voices, stuck his head around the door, and found Flicker and Flame sitting on a wooden bench, holding hands and deep in conversation.

'I can't help but think that there isn't any point hanging around here and waiting for something that's obviously never going to happen,' Flame was saying. 'All the patience in the world isn't going to solve that problem… as my mother learned to her cost.'

'I know, Flame,' said Flicker, 'but you don't really mean what you said. Camelhot - and everything it stands for - means as much to you as it does to me.'

'Flicker, I'm not in the habit of saying things I don't mean,' said Flame, 'and you know very well that… Blaze!'

Flame let go of Flicker's hands and shot to her feet, looking extremely alarmed.

'We… we weren't doing anything!' Flame blurted. 'We were just talking!'

'I know, sis,' said Blaze. 'I didn't see anything and I didn't hear anything. I also didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I was wondering if Flicker could do me a favour.'

'Of course, Sir Blaze,' said Flicker, rising to his feet. 'Whatever you need.'

'Could you pop up to the ramparts and keep an eye open for my cousin?' asked Sir Blaze. 'I've got to go to the Weekly Workout, but you could bring him along to join me when he arrives.'

'My pleasure, Sir Blaze,' said Flicker. 'Flame, would you like to accompany me?'

'Oh… I don't think so, Flicker - I don't think we should be seen hanging around on the ramparts together,' Flame said awkwardly. 'Besides, I should go and see Stepmother Griddle - she wants me to try on a new dress she's made for me, or something.'

With that, Flame dashed away. Flicker walked out into the courtyard with a pensive look on his face. Sir Blaze followed him and slapped him on the back.

'You'll be all right, Flicker!' he said bracingly. 'You'll see.'

Flicker gave Sir Blaze a weak smile, and set off for the ramparts next to the drawbridge.

* * *

Evil Knight Number Two reached for the bell press, but the drawbridge opened before his finger made contact.

'Hello!' called Flicker, waving enthusiastically. 'Welcome to Camelhot. Come in, come in - Sir Blaze is waiting for you.'

Evil Knight Number Two was taken by surprise as Flicker placed a guiding arm on his shoulder and steered him into the courtyard; he had not been expecting so warm a welcome.

'Er… thank you,' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'Where are you taking me?'

'To the gymnasium, to see your cousin,' said Flicker.

'But shouldn't I go to the kitchen?' asked Evil Knight Number Two, utterly at a loss to understand Flicker's previous statement.

'The kitchen?' said Flicker. 'Well… I guess you can go there if you want to. I'm sure you'll be treated to a tour of the whole castle, but I must take you to Sir Blaze first - he's been really looking forward to seeing you.'

'He has?' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Of course he has,' Flicker laughed. 'Come on, he's just in here.'

Upon entering the gymnasium, Flicker found that all the exercise equipment had been abandoned. Reasoning that the knights' workout must be over, Flicker led his increasingly bemused charge towards the changing room.

'What have you done with the soap, Loungelot?' Sir Burnevere's voice wafted out of the shower room.

'I haven't seen it since Sir Galahot snatched it right out of my hand!' said Sir Loungelot.

'I didn't snatch it, sir!' said Sir Galahot. 'You dropped it and I caught it!'

'That wasn't all you caught, was it?' snapped Sir Loungelot.

'I say, someone's stolen my towel!' came the voice of Sir Hotbreath. 'Loungelot, you haven't been using it to clean between your toes again, have you?'

Flicker and Evil Knight Number Two passed by the shower room and came into the changing room, where they found Sir Blaze. Fortunately, he had just finished getting dressed.

'Here you go, Sir Blaze,' said Flicker. 'One cousin, just as you ordered.'

Sir Blaze turned around with a smile on his face. This faded slightly when he saw Evil Knight Number Two, but he forced it back a moment later.

'Charash, I'm so glad you could come,' said Sir Blaze. 'Oh dear, I felt sure that I'd recognise you the moment I saw you, but I must confess that… still, it's been a very long time, hasn't it?'

With that, Sir Blaze stepped forward and hugged Evil Knight Number Two, who had no choice but to hug him back.

'Oh, my dear cousin,' sighed Sir Blaze, 'it's so good to have you here at Camelhot. How I am going to love you! What fun we shall have! Tell me, are you quite well? And what about good old Uncle Hot, and Aunty Griselda?'

'They… they are both well, cousin,' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'As am I.'

'Wonderful,' Blaze beamed. 'I… I suppose you heard what happened with your brother Agraflame, did you? Nasty business, that.'

'Yes… yes, a very nasty business,' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'But Agraflame always was a bad lot, wasn't he?'

'So it seems,' said Sir Blaze. 'Oh, Charash, I'm so pleased to see you. I must tell Mumsey that you're here, and King Allfire of course, and then you must have a tour of Camelhot!'

'If it pleases you, Sir Blaze, I'll give Charash the tour while you inform Their Majesties of his arrival,' said Flicker.

'Excellent idea, Flicker,' said Sir Blaze. 'Is that all right with you, Cousin Charash?'

'Yes, that's fine,' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Wonderful,' Sir Blaze beamed. 'Well, that's decided then. I'll show you to your room after the tour, and then you must join us - and the rest of the court - for dinner.'

'Yes… yes, dinner,' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'Thank you, Cousin Blaze.'


	2. Chapter 2

'Haven't you finished stuffing that chicken yet?' Chef Turnspit barked.

'Um… nearly, Chef,' said Charash, removing his forearm from the chicken in question.

'You really are much too slow!' said Chef Turnspit. 'You said in your reply to my advert that you had two years' experience in a castle kitchen!'

'Yes, well… I think there may have been a misunderstanding somewhere along the way,' said Charash. 'You see…'

'I don't want to hear about it now! I must take all these chickens up to the Great Hall at once. Quickly, give me that one!'

'Yes, Chef.'

Chef Turnspit gathered a mountain of stuffed chickens into his arms and headed for the door.

'Finish off that fruit salad while I'm gone,' he called over his shoulder, 'and then see if my chocolate mousse cake has set yet. If it has, bring it up to the Hall.'

'Yes, Chef,' Charash called after the retreating figure. 'Dear, oh dear… this isn't what I was expecting at all!'

Charash got to work on his fruit salad. Barely a minute later, there came a loud knocking on the door that led outside to the kitchen garden. Charash looked up in surprise. The knocking came again, this time accompanied by a muffled voice.

'Let us in, you idiot!' it said. 'Come on, we haven't got all night!'

Charash went over to the door and opened it. Count Geoffrey entered the kitchen, followed by Evil Knights Numbers One and Three. They were all dripping wet.

'I swear, that moat's even dirtier than the last time we swam across it,' said Count Geoffrey. 'Quickly, get us some towels!'

'Right away, My Lord,' said Charash, even more confused now than he had been a moment ago.

Charash fetched some towels from the scullery and handed them to the three dripping figures. He was unsure what he should do next.

'Well,' said Count Geoffrey, rubbing his hair dry, 'did you do it?'

'Did I… did I do it, My Lord?' said Charash.

'Did you poison the dragons' food?' Count Geoffrey snapped.

'Oh… oh, did I poison the dragons' food?'

'Yes… well, did you?'

'Um… yes, My Lord,' said Charash. 'I poisoned all their stuffed chickens; Chef Turnspit is laying them out on the table as we speak.'

'Heh-heh-heh, excellent!' said Count Geoffrey. 'You have done your job well, Evil Knight Number Two, and I never thought I'd hear myself saying that!'

'Does that mean that Camelhot is ours now, Count Geoffrey?' asked Evil Knight Number One.

'Not yet,' said Count Geoffrey, 'but it soon will be - nothing can stop us now!'

'Is it time for us to go up and watch the dragons eating their final meal?' asked Evil Knight Number Three.

'Yes,' said Count Geoffrey. 'Yes, let's do that!'

'Um… before we do,' said Charash, 'why don't you all try some of this fruit salad? You must be hungry, what with swimming across the moat and all.'

'Fruit salad, hmm?' said Count Geoffrey. 'Well, it certainly looks more appetising than the one you made for me yesterday. I suppose we're not in any particular hurry, now that the poisoned poultry is in place… yes, let's have some!'

Charash dished out three small bowls of fruit salad, then took down a brown sack from a nearby cupboard.

'It tastes great if you sprinkle a bit of this sugar on top,' he said. 'Here, let me do it for you.'

'It seems that you've turned into a culinary expert in just one afternoon, Evil Knight Number Two,' said Count Geoffrey. 'Perhaps I'll promote you to chef when we've taken over, and you can keep working here in the kitchen.'

'Thank you, My Lord,' said Charash. 'Here's your fruit salad.'

Count Geoffrey and the two Evil Knights made short work of their meals.

'Aren't you having any, Evil Knight Number Two?' asked Count Geoffrey.

'No, I, er… had some before you came,' said Charash. 'That's how I know just how much sugar to put on.'

'There,' said Count Geoffrey, setting down his bowl, 'it must be almost a quarter to eight by now. Come on, let's go up and see how the dragons are enjoying their dinner.'

* * *

'Heh-heh-heh! Look at them all, gorging themselves on chicken,' said Count Geoffrey. 'Little do they know the effect it's about to have on them!'

'Yes,' said Charash, 'little do they know…'

'Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knight Number One, 'my tummy feels a bit funny.'

'Silence, cretin!' said Count Geoffrey.

'So does mine, oh mighty evil one,' said Evil Knight Number Three.

'Yes, well… so does mine, now that you mention it,' said Count Geoffrey. 'It must be the excitement! Yes, the excitement of knowing that after all these years, Camelhot is finally within our grasp.'

Charash scanned the dinner table, searching for a familiar face to whom he could attempt to explain the situation, even though he did not really understand it himself. He was fairly sure that he recognised Sir Blaze, sitting two seats away from King Allfire, whose identity was not hard to work out. On the other side of King Allfire sat Queen Griddle, whom Charash remembered meeting many years before.

Charash took a second look. Between Sir Blaze and King Allfire there was a dragon very similar in size to Charash himself. Just as he was beginning to think that there might possibly be a logical explanation for everything that had been happening to him, Charash noticed that the small dragon was in the process of handing a goblet to King Allfire.

'Try some of this, Your Majesty,' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'My mother made it for me - it's honey and milk and sugar all mixed up together.'

'Well… thank you, Charash,' said King Allfire. 'I'm sure it'll be delicious.'

'NOOOOOOOOOO!'

All the dragons stopped eating and looked up as Charash ran across the room and knocked the goblet from King Allfire's hand.

'Your Majesty, don't drink that,' he panted, 'it's been poisoned!'

'Charash!' Blaze exclaimed.

'I knew it!' declared Sir Burnevere. 'Charash is a traitor, just like his brother Sir Agraflame, and he's just tried to poison the King!'

'But that's not Charash!' said Sir Blaze. ' _That_ 's Charash, I'm sure it is… and he's just saved King Allfire's life!'

'But that's my new kitchen boy!' said Chef Turnspit. 'Where's my chocolate mousse cake, you lazy wretch?'

'No, no, Blaze is right!' said Queen Griddle. 'That's Charash, my nephew - the one who's just saved Allfire's life!'

'So… so who's that, sir?' asked Sir Galahot, pointing at Evil Knight Number Two.

'An impostor!' said Sir Blaze. 'No wonder I didn't recognise you - you're not Charash at all! So, who are you?'

There was no need for Evil Knight Number Two to say anything by way of an explanation; his scales were shrinking back into his body and human skin was appearing in their place. Everyone stared in surprise as the potion wore off and he resumed his true form.

'It's one of Count Geoffrey's Evil Knights!' said Queen Griddle. 'But that must mean…'

'Aha!' declared Count Geoffrey, jumping out from the shadows. 'You're doomed, dragons! Camelhot is mine!'

'Doomed, Geoffrey?' said King Allfire. 'What on Earth makes you think that?'

'You… you've just eaten poisoned chicken!' Count Geoffrey declared, not sounding at all sure of himself. 'So there!'

'Actually, they haven't,' said Charash. 'I prepared those chickens myself, and I can assure you that they weren't poisoned.'

'A nephew of mine, preparing stuffed chickens,' said Queen Griddle. 'Oh, the shame!'

'Charash, what were you even doing in the kitchen?' asked Sir Blaze.

'I don't know, Cousin Blaze,' said Charash. 'I was expecting to be taken to see you, but instead… well, I wasn't.'

'And why _weren't_ you in the kitchen, Evil Knight Number Two?' Count Geoffrey demanded.

'I was improvising, Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'I almost managed to poison King Allfire, didn't I?'

'Yes… yes, well now… now we shall all… ooh, I'm really not feeling very well,' said Count Geoffrey, clutching his stomach. 'In fact… in fact, I think I'll have to… ooh, argh… there will be another time, dragons!'

With that, Count Geoffrey bolted from the Great Hall with his hands clasped to his bottom; Evil Knights Numbers One and Three followed him in the same manner.

'Well,' said King Allfire, 'what was the meaning of that, do you suppose?'

'I'm sure it was the laxatives I tricked them into eating, Your Majesty,' said Charash. 'They won't be bothering you for a while - they'll be far too busy elsewhere!'

'Charash, you are a marvel!' said King Allfire. 'Thank you - thank you for everything you've done for us! Come, sit here next to me and have some chicken, and tell us exactly how this extraordinary sequence of events unfolded.'

'I'll try, Your Majesty,' said Charash, 'but I'm not sure I fully understand the situation myself.'

'I believe I can fill in some of the gaps,' said Flicker.

'Yes,' said Clinker, 'and I think we can fill in the rest.'

'What shall we do with this impostor, Your Majesty?' asked Sir Hotbreath, holding up Evil Knight Number Two by his collar.

'Hmm… well, let's see,' said King Allfire. 'Loungelot, you've finished eating, haven't you?'

'Um… yes, Your Majesty,' said Sir Loungelot, swallowing a large mouthful of chicken.

'Then you can take the prisoner down to the dungeon and lock him up,' said King Allfire.

'My pleasure, Your Majesty,' said Loungelot, rising to his feet and taking the squirming figure from Sir Hotbreath. 'So, you thought you could take over Camelhot, Evil Knight Number Two? Not while Sir Loungelot's around!'

'No cell can hold me,' said Evil Knight Number Two. 'Count Geoffrey will come back for me, you'll see!'

'We'll be only too glad to chuck him in there with you!' said King Allfire. 'Take him away, Loungelot.'

'Charash,' Sir Blaze said warmly, hugging his cousin tightly as he sat down, 'I'm so glad to see you! After dinner I'll take you on a tour of Camelhot, and then I'll show you your room!'

'Yes, and we must arrange for you to be rewarded for the great service you have done to Camelhot, and to me,' said King Allfire. 'And I think that, under the circumstances, there is only one reward that I can give you.'

* * *

The entire court of Camelhot and many visitors from elsewhere had gathered in the throne room for the knighting ceremony. As Charash was bedecked in his ceremonial robes by Cinder and Clinker, Queen Griddle put a comforting arm around the shoulders of a weeping female dragon.

'Try not to cry, Griselda dear,' said Queen Griddle. 'You won't be able to see the ceremony properly.'

'I can't help it,' sobbed her companion. 'I'm just… so… proud!'

Flicker had managed to position himself next to Flame while he arranged several trays of buffet food on a trestle table.

'So, that's Charash's mother, is it?' said Flicker.

'Yes,' said Flame. 'That's Queen Griselda.'

'And she's Queen Griddle's sister-in-law, is she?' asked Flicker.

'Yes… well, no, not really,' said Flame. 'They married a pair of brothers, so they're not really sisters-in-law, but they might like to call themselves that in an appropriate situation, for the sake of convenience.'

'I see,' said Flicker. 'So Queen Griselda's husband is…?'

'King Hot of Toasting-Forkney,' said Flame. 'He's the elder brother of Sir Herman the Near-Sighted, Blaze's father… and, obviously, he's also the father of Sir Agraflame, Sir Gasflame and the soon-to-be Sir Charash.'

'Ah, now I understand,' said Flicker. 'Thanks for making all that clear, Flame - I was a little confused, I must confess. Queen Griselda must be so happy, mustn't she? Imagine what it must be like, seeing everyone gathered here to watch someone you love being knighted by King Allfire.'

'Yes… yes, Flicker, I am imagining it,' said Flame, adopting a frown. 'And suddenly… suddenly I don't feel like watching my step-cousin being knighted after all!'

With that, Flame dashed from the room. Flicker made a move to follow her, but then held back. Wearing an expression of extreme anxiety, he returned his attention to the knighting ceremony.

'Bring Excaliburn!' said King Allfire.

'Here it is, Your Majesty,' said Cinder, 'all nicely polished and shining like new.'

King Allfire smiled and took the sword. Cinder and Clinker resumed their position in the crowd of spectators.

'I suppose no one's noticed that I still don't have a kitchen boy!' Chef Turnspit muttered to them.

'We've noticed,' said Clinker. 'We dropped off another advert at the post office this afternoon, but we haven't had any replies yet.'

'I'm sure they'll come flooding in soon, though,' said Cinder.

'Oh, right,' said Chef Turnspit, sounding much happier than he had for a long time. 'Thanks, fellas.'

Charash approached King Allfire and bowed to him. At the King's command, he knelt down. Allfire touched Excaliburn to each of his shoulders in turn.

'Arise, then,' said King Allfire, 'Sir Charash of… I say, what title would you like? I'm sorry, dear boy, I should have asked earlier.'

'Your Majesty,' said Charash, 'under the circumstances, I feel that there's really only one title that it would be appropriate for me to adopt: Sir Charash of the Kitchen!'

A great tide of laughter swept through the assembled dragons, while Queen Griselda sobbed even more violently onto Queen Griddle's shoulder.

'Sir Charash of the Kitchen, sir,' chuckled Sir Galahot. 'What a title!'

'Makes him sound like a cooking pot or something,' said Sir Hotbreath.

'I still say he could be plotting to kill us all,' said Sir Burnevere.

'Oh, don't be such a Negative Nancy, Sir Burnevere!' said Sir Blaze. 'Hooray for my cousin, Sir Charash of the Kitchen!'

Everyone cheered and clapped. Charash's face turned quite pink.

'Very well, then,' said King Allfire. 'Arise, Sir Charash of the Kitchen, peer of the realm and Knight of the Square Table of Camelhot!'

* * *

King Allfire walked through the open door of Princess Flame's bedroom. She was lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. He sat down next to her.

'Everyone missed you at the ceremony, Puff,' said Allfire.

'Did they?' said Flame. 'Well, I'm sure they'll get over their disappointment eventually.'

'Is something troubling you, my dear?' asked King Allfire.

'What could possibly be troubling me, Daddy?' Flame sighed.

'I know you well enough to be able to tell when there's something on your mind,' said King Allfire.

'Yes, well, you're right actually,' said Flame. 'What's on my mind is, why on earth have you been down there knighting Charash when there are certain other people you should have been knighting first?'

'Oh… well, Sir Charash did us all a great service, Puff.'

'Exactly - one great service! Flicker has done us more great services than I can count, but you haven't knighted him, have you? What makes Charash so special, that he gets… he gets… fast-tracked?'

'I did knight both of his brothers, you know,' said King Allfire. 'Knighting him just seemed… well, the thing to do under the circumstances. Dash it all, he did save my life, Puff!'

'Flicker's saved your life a hundred times!' Flame fumed. 'He's saved us all, with no thought for himself, over and over again! You have no idea where you'd be without Flicker, Daddy, do you? You wouldn't be anywhere, that's where you'd be! It would serve you right if he and I just upped and left this place! If we just flew away into the sunset, what would you do then, hmm? Who do you think would save you and Camelhot on an almost daily basis? And who do you think would be here to inherit your throne if I wasn't around? How about I go and find Flicker right now and just fly off with him - how would you like that, hmm?'

King Allfire was looking completely stunned. Flame realised that she had probably said too much, and started to wish that she had chosen her words more carefully.

'My… my dear,' said King Allfire, 'you can't mean what you say. You wouldn't run away from Camelhot… would you?'

'Oh Daddy, of course I don't want to leave,' said Flame. 'But I also don't want to hang around and see Flicker being bypassed for knighthood over and over again!'

'I think that's something of an exaggeration, Puff,' said King Allfire. 'Besides, I can't just knight people at the drop of a hat, you know.'

'You've just done it to Charash!'

'Yes, but there was a family precedent, as I said. I knew I could be sure that Charash is cut from the right cloth, so to speak.'

'Blazing dragons, what is that supposed to mean?' Flame growled. 'I'd have thought that being cut from the same cloth as Sir Agraflame wasn't much of a recommendation!'

'Yes, but… well, I suppose Flicker _is_ of proper birth, is he?' said King Allfire.

'Of course he is!' Flame snapped. 'He's related to the duchy of Northumberland, I think - the Chancellor has his records on file, if you can be bothered to go and look at them!'

'Well, perhaps I will,' said King Allfire.

'Yeah,' Flame snorted, 'I've heard that before!'

'Puff, I'm serious this time,' said King Allfire. 'If you promise me that you'll stop all this silly talk about running away, and that you'll continue to present yourself appropriately at court, I promise you that I shall consider the matter very carefully.'

'Please elaborate, Daddy,' said Flame. 'What exactly do you mean by _the matter_?'

'The matter of Flicker's future,' said King Allfire. 'But you must let me carry out my own investigations, in my own way and in my own time, and you must agree not to speak of the matter to me again until I am ready to speak of it to you.'

'As long as you don't take forever…' said Flame. 'Very well, I promise.'

'In which case, so do I,' said King Allfire, rising to his feet. 'Now, your stepmother is eager to see you at Sir Charash's celebratory feast; don't let her down, will you?'

With that, King Allfire left the room. Flame moved into a sitting position and was about to stand up, but she stopped and gaped in surprise as someone else entered her bedroom.

* * *

Flicker had not meant to eavesdrop on King Allfire and Princess Flame, but when he had arrived to check on her and had heard what was being said inside her bedroom, he could not stop himself from listening in.

'Flame,' said Flicker, 'you really shouldn't talk to your father like that… not on my account, at any rate.'

'Of course I should, Flicker,' said Flame, all trace of her ill temper now gone from her voice. 'Are you sure you should be coming into my bedroom like this? I mean, isn't it rather dangerous?'

'It is dangerous, and I'm sure I shouldn't be doing it,' said Flicker, 'and yet, here we are. Flame, I hope you know that I could never abandon Camelhot. Although the idea of running away with you does seem extremely attractive in many ways, I can't turn my back on the Square Table and the Code of Chivalry… and I don't want you to either!'

'I don't want to, Flicker,' said Flame. 'I don't want either of us to. But there's something I want far, far more than anything else in this world - something that means more to me than Camelhot, than being a princess or a queen, and even more than my father, much as I love him. And I will have this thing, Flicker, even at the expense of everything else, if that's what it really takes. That's the bottom line for me… and I think, if you're completely honest with yourself, it's the bottom line for you too.'

Flicker gulped and tugged at his collar. He knew that Flame was right; he could not deny it, to her or to himself.

'Well, your father has promised to give my future some serious thought now, hasn't he?' Flicker said brightly. 'You must give him the time and the space to do it, Flame… we both must.'

'I know, Flicker,' said Flame. 'Don't worry - I haven't run out of patience just yet. Come on - escort me down to Sir Charash's feast. I must congratulate the lad, and give him my best wishes.'

'You will be sincere, won't you?' said Flicker.

'Of course,' said Flame, slipping her arm through his. 'Despite the circumstances, I have nothing but best wishes for Charash. After all, it doesn't matter how many people Daddy knights, as long as you're one of them… and I intend to make sure that you are!'


End file.
